Green Acres

New York

is where I'd rather stay
I get allergic smelling hay
I just adore a penthouse view
Darling, I love you,
but give me Park Avenue.

As you might have noticed, Confessions of a Pioneer Woman is one of my must-reads every. single. day. What's not to love? She can burp "good morning" for pete's sake! And honestly, I'm getting a wee bit of a crush on her Marlboro Man. I mean - she posts pictures of him in CHAPS! A Texas girl like myself has a hard time resisting that kind of manliness. Luckily for her - I live eleventy bagillion miles away and I'm not near as gorgeous as she is. I think Marlboro Man is safe.

Wondering why I'm rambling about PW? Because this morning, she had a picture of her youngest. On a HORSE!!! He's like TWO! Who knew two year olds could ride already? I mean - horses are BIG! And he's LITTLE! And I'm so impressed that her two year old can ride and the last time I was on a horse my butt was so sore I couldn't sit on anything but PILLOWS for a week that I've resorted to use ALL CAPS!

I'm such a city girl. I had no idea kids that young can ride. How in the world am I going to manage living out in the sticks? On my way home from the house last night, I was plotting where I was going to plant my millions of iris bulbs that I dug out of our flowerbeds in town. I had visions of lining my drive with them - purple ones on the north, white ones on the south. I could see myself tilling the ground, planting bulbs - spacing them out enough that I didn't have to thin them for at least 5 years, then watering them in......

And realized that I would have to have a 100 foot hose to water all the way down the drive. Not to mention those I've already planted down by the road last fall.

It just never occurred to me before last night. I've always lived in homes where you just hook a hose to a faucet and bam! Water. You know - city lots. But I'm about to be on a BIG country lot and the well is a long ways from the drive and oh my hell - what am I gonna do?

Does Gebos carry 100 foot hoses? Cuz if they don't - I'm screwed. Oh! I wonder if a spray nozzle can shoot water that far?

See? I'm so unprepared for this. What if we get snakes? I HATE snakes! It's one thing to imagine "living in the country." I beginning to realize the reality will be a whole nother story.
What if a coyote eats my dog? I love my dog. I would not be happy if a coyote ate my dog. As a matter of fact, if said coyote did eat my dog, said coyote would not be long for this world. At least I don't have to worry about deer eating my garden like Katrina. But I'm betting I'll be battling bunnies all summer long to keep them out of my garden. Not that I have any clue how to battle bunnies that want to eat my black eyed peas and okra. Everything I know about battling bunnies I learned from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Anyone know where I can find a Holy Hand Grenade? Cuz I think I may need one......