When you deal with a chronic disease as I am, eventually you find yourself being happy about the weirdest things. Sometimes it's having a day without pain. Sometimes it's being able to navigate your way through a difficult problem at work without having to ask your friend that works in another department 40 questions because your chemo brain isn't blocking all of your intelligence.
Sometimes you're happy that the barium you had to drink for your CT scans put an end to that almost constipation problem you've been struggling with since you started chemo again.
Yes. That's right. I said it. For the first time ever, the barium got things 'moving well' shall we say. Who am I kidding? Let's be clear. I might as well have had a cleanse. I guarantee they got a good look at my colon today because there wasn't anything in there to block their view. Nope. Hell - they could do another one tomorrow and STILL have a great view because dayum - I'm empty!
See? It's the little things.
It's kinda bizarre that I'm discussing such things on a public blog. I never used to discuss such things. I remember the first time my husband asked about the last time I had taken a crap and I looked at him like he had lost his mind. Why in God's green earth was he asking about THAT? We didn't discuss bowel habits in my house growing up. Unless you were my dad. I'm pretty sure we all knew way more about my dad's bowel habits than we ever wanted to. But isn't that true of most families? Anyway - I certainly saw no reason to discuss my bowel habits with my BOYFRIEND - it didn't matter how long we had been dating.
Now look at me. HA!
But that's the thing - with ovarian cancer, the fear of an obstruction is a very real thing. I've been SO lucky that I haven't any any bowel involvement with my cancer - no tumors that we've ever known of, no bowel resections during my de-bulking surgery, no obstructions - partial or otherwise. Many women do have bowel involvement and have to have large portions of their bowel removed, or colostomy bags. We're constantly on the watch for the signs of an obstruction - because that could mean that the disease is progressing. That a tumor has worked its way into the bowel. Or that one has developed and grown large enough to compress the bowel or colon...
So - I'm sorry and I hope you weren't eating when you started reading this. If nothing else, take the time today or tomorrow and see what you can think of to be happy about that you don't have the nerve to share with anyone else. Then share it anyway and see if anyone still thinks you're inspiring.
(No - really - I wasn't trying to ick anyone out. But if I'm going to be honest, I might as well be honest about everything, and this is totally a big topic for many of us with ovarian cancer. That dreaded obstruction is often what finishes us off - eventually there just isn't anything else to be done. So forgive me for being tickled that for once I don't have to worry about taking stool softeners or fiber capsules for a day or two!)
In other news, the cow formerly known as Steak is eagerly looking forward to the arrival of Son of Steak. I believe she is also eagerly looking forward to her new half barn that MDH is going to build for her. At the moment, that barn consists of 9 poles set into the ground, one of which is a good foot shorter than the other two in that particular row because MDH didn't stand outside and watch the men who were setting the poles in the ground. Now he has to decide whether to try to raise that one pole up a foot, or just to cut a foot off of the other two. I vote for the cut - not that he always listens to me.
The hubs has also decided that since our Java hens were such crappy mamas, they have a future in our freezer and he will be buying a new breed of chicken to replace them. As long as he doesn't replace my Americaunas that lay the blue and green eggs, that's fine with me. And of course, as long as he is the one who gets them prepped for our freezer.
Dove continue to line up on our back yard fence and our back yard trees - taunting the hubs who did not get to go dove hunting this year. He's also figured out just when he can hunt geese and woe unto any Canadian geese that fly too low over Digbyland. They just might find themselves being marinated in Fred Meske's secret goose sauce!
In another couple of weeks it will be time to start seeds around here for the garden. Every year I start seeds, and every year I'm lucky if 2 out of the 30 - 60 seedlings I nurse make it into the garden. Or survive the garden. But this year I'm determined. I will have heirloom tomatoes! And cucumbers so I can make pickles! I will! Maybe.
So that's what's going on in Digbyland - what are you up to these days?
(By the way - my scans are still clear. Woohoo!)