When a Chemo Quits Working

So.

Here it is July, and I haven't written anything since April.  I thought it might be time to explain why.

You see, back in April when I was worrying about whether the Taxol was working - it wasn't.  After 2 months of being just under the normal limit number for my CA-125, it went up.  And the next month it went up again, so it was decided that the Taxol was no longer effective on my cancer cells.  Needless to say, I had a minor freakout about it - and I just didn't know how to write about it. First I was waiting for my youngest to graduate high school, then until we told the boys and my folks what was going on.  Then I was waiting until my new oncologist and I made a decision on what to try next.  But it's been too long since I wrote, and I'm feeling the effects.  So here it is.

My new oncologist is a gynecologic oncologist, and she is VERY up on the latest methods/chemos/etc for my type of cancer.  So she decided - even before we realized the Taxol wasn't really working anymore - to take some of the fluid that I'm draining from around my lung and send it off for testing - first to see whether or not there are cancer cells in the fluid, second to see what chemos it responds to.  By the time it was obvious that Taxol wasn't working anymore, she knew that yes - there were still cancer cells in that fluid, and more importantly, she knew which chemotherapies that those cancer cells were responsive to.

The good news is that I have several options.  There are other taxil chemo agents that I can use later, as well as several other drugs.  She started me off with Topotecan three weeks on, one week off, and Avastin on weeks one and three.  Unfortunately, after two weeks, the Topotecan kicked my blood counts into the dirt, so no chemo last week!  I see her next week and we'll decide if we're going to change to two weeks on, two weeks off or lower the dosage and stay on the three week schedule, or whatever else she thinks might work.

It's unsettling.  Coming at the end of a week that included the Oncology Advisory division of the FDA voting against fast-tracking Olaparib for ovarian cancer treatment (hmph) and a delay of an event I had been hoping to get done next month, it was not what I wanted to hear.  It did explain why I was so tired at the end of the day last week.  Anyhoo - that's where I'm at.  I am happy to say that the fluid around my lungs that had been increasing since the end of Taxol seems to be decreasing just a bit lately - so I'm hopeful the Topotecan is making some headway against the cancer.  My scans in June were still clear, so whatever is going on in there is still pretty small.  I'm not getting my chemo free summer, but having a week off every month will be heaven.

In other news - as I said, the youngest graduated high school.  My garden is growing, my flowers are so pretty and just make me smile every day:

We've had plenty of rain this summer so far, and this morning, our new cow dropped her calf!  So we officially have a herd!

(Click to see cows!  And babies!)

 

The hubs and I took a long weekend trip to Cloudcroft for our anniversary last month, and we're just taking things day by day.  I'm going to try and write more often, but to be honest - when I get home from work I'd much rather work in the garden or yard for a bit before I sit down to catch up on Facebook - or reading, much less writing.  We'll see.  

So here I am - doing my best not to just survive - but to thrive.  So far - so good.

Our Newest Addition

Everyone - meet Buster.

Buster joined the Digby family a couple of weeks ago, at the start of the coldest weather we've had in the boonies.  He seems to be thriving, and this morning he and his mama were pretty close to the house (comparatively speaking anyway) and I was able to grab a couple of pictures.

As you can see, he's totally black, and still a little gangly.  But cute!  As all babies are.

It's fun to have a baby around the place, even if it's a calf, and someday we'll probably change his name to Ribeye.  I'm really quite pleased with how good a mama ole Steak turned out to be - she had Buster completely on her own, and we didn't even realize that she was ready to drop him until Monty couldn't spot her and it was so cold.  He found the both of them down in our "pond" out of the wind. 

Since Buster is so small, he's already figured out how to just walk under the hot wire fence and escape into the neighbor's pasture to hide amongst the weeds to take naps.  When he does this, Steak just kind looks over the fence every now and then, but grazes nearby.  When we had snow the other day, my poor husband, who was not feeling well, had to suit up in his insulated coveralls and hike out there to get Buster back into our pasture because he couldn't figure out how to get back under the fence. 

Hence the name Buster.  As in "get your silly butt back over here buster!"

Last weekend the boys had to walk our fence to pull tumbleweeds off of it so that the hot wire stayed hot, and that's when my eldest determined we had a little bull on our hands.  Now we have to figure out when to get him "fixed" because we're not equipped to raise a bull!  Nope - I'd like a nice docile steer, thank you very much.  One that won't give us too much trouble when it's time to load him up and well - you know.

It's almost time to attempt to start seedlings again.  My husband is contemplating putting our greenhouse kit together this week.  This would be awesome, because while I am quite proficient at starting seedlings, getting them big enough and strong enough to be transplanted is not my forte.  Part of it is not really having a great place with enough light and enough warmth, plus enough breeze to grow them large enough and strong enough without being too spindly and weak.  It would be so cool to not have to buy any seedlings this spring!

I probably should sit down today and figure out my garden plan.  Since I'm feeling so well with this new chemo regimen, I think I might plant big again.  Plenty of tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, onions, taters.  I might even try eggplant!  And okra - we skipped okra last year, and squash because they put out so much produce and we weren't sure I'd be up to cooking it all the time, and let's face it.  Okra and squash just don't freeze all that well.  I'm thinking this year I can handle it - as long as I don't let my husband plant too many of them!

It's fun to look forward to gardening again!  I'm thinking that looking through my new seed catalogs this afternoon while doing laundry and watching the Olympics is a great way to spend the day.

My husband just asked me how I was feeling.  I told him I was feeling pretty good all things considered - that's when he informed me that it had been 5 days since we drained from around my left lung.  I would have never guessed - I don't feel like I have anything in there!  We'll drain tonight, but I have a feeling that's going down some as well.  Woohoo!

It's so nice not feeling sick.  Not feeling worn out all the time.  Not having fevers every three weeks!  I just hope that the taxol is still working at this different rate - and that the Avastin is doing it's job as well.  I won't know if I'm still making progress until the 21st.  Until then, I'm just enjoying feeling good.

When I'm not trying to get pictures of this little guy!

The Herd

Well - it's been nearly a week since I had my last chemo.   I've felt good and have been able to work all week.  It's been awesome. 

You know what else is awesome?  We have a calf!  Yes - that's right - the cow formerly known as Steak had her baby this week.  I had hoped to share cute calf pictures with you, but our mama cow is keeping that baby on the edges of our property and it's been too cold for me to walk out that far.  I'm hoping that maybe my husband can get some pictures today as he works on building their barn. 

(Yes - I know we're building the barn after the calf was born, but better late than never, eh?)

Our calf was born at the beginning of the coldest three days we've had out in the boonies, which had us worried to death about it.  We weren't sure that it was staying warm enough with the wind, and that silly mama had them out on the pasture, not in the empty pond where they would have been out of the wind.  But since the calf was up and moving, and the hubs had seen it nursing, we kept our fingers crossed it would make it through the first night, and it did.  So we might not be the worst cattle ranchers ever after all.

I have no idea if we have a he or a she calf.  Since I haven't been able to get a good look at the baby, and my husband stated he had no interest in trying to determine which it was as long as the mama cow is being so protective, I don't know if we'll ever know.  I'm sure at some point it will become more obvious.  I'm just hoping it's before the calf turns into an onery bull and it's too late to make him into a steer!

If anyone has any great advice on how best to care for a mama and her calf, feel to share.  We're clueless and just hoping that the cow formerly known as Steak has good mama instincts.

In other news, the chickens seem a little miffed that the cattle (ha!  now that we have two, it's a herd!) are getting all the attention these days.  I'm pretty sure the roosters were giving me the evil eye when I was out trying to get a look at the calf the other day.  Pfft.  Guess they should have tried harder to provide me with baby chicks last summer, huh?

It keeps crossing my mind how much Evie would have enjoyed barking at the baby.  I miss that dog.

I finished Beth Moore's Believing God and am trying to figure out which one of her books to read next.  I have Breaking Free, To Live is Christ, When Godly People Do UnGodly Things, and The Beloved Disciple.  Which do y'all recommend next?

Tomorrow I go in for chemo again, and most likely my first dose of Avastin.  I'm asking for prayers that I tolerate it well, and that it doesn't cause my blood pressure to go up, my nose to bleed, or my bowel to perforate.  I'm so hoping that I'll be able to feel as well as I did this last week.  Even if I don't, this has been a week of blessings.  I hope your week has been a happy one as well!